// J▲y y . M u r z //

Ask me anythingArchive

219

You may look at me and see ” omg, She’s beautiful ” , or you can even possibly look at me ” she’s so freaking ugly ” . Go ahead and put me down, i’ve been put down most of my life by friends, family, and strangers . I’ve been so much, i’ve tried dying, but i was always help, i was always saved in the hospital. My mom made me become a ” parent ” when i was 7 . Yes, 7 because i have a brother and sister. My Only friend, which was my best friend, who was my brother. Yes, my older brother, I was so isolated, and shy because i had a low self-esteem. He died, no one had the guts to tell me what was going on till he had passed away. When i needed someone, no one was ever there . It was a total instant reality check. I’ve been taking care of my brother and sister, while my mom was out working two jobs, and while my dad was never around . I lived with my grandparents till i was 13. Thats the time i started getting molested. I can’t really speak up about anything, cause i know the consequences. I’ve learn to grow up at a young age. I started drinking and smoking when i was 14. I did xtc by the time i was about to turn 15 . I started partying at 15. Once i was drugged by my alcohol, and raped. I didn’t know where i was , and i’ve been raped twice. I’ve taken pills, and i’ve cut, trying to end everything. Its hard going through all this without my brother. I know he’s watching over me, but most of the time, i wish he was always here, around, when i needed my bestfriend. When i was little i used to be bullied so much, I still am. They called me fat, a slut, a whore, etc. It isn’t right. My only bestfriend died, and i hadn’t really have had friends till the 5 grade. i would always bounce around people , trying to fit in and hang out with them because they ” felt bad ” that i was always alone. The only way i got my mind off things were sports, dance, and cheer. Till this day, i still can’t really go through stuff. There’s things i can’t even tell my closest friends or my mom about, because they won’t understand. I don’t know why i’m posting this. I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts, and stuff onto. So here you go followers. I know most of you won’t really care, and i don’t want sympathy for this . I just felt like saying it .. thanks if you read this . <3  Oh this is so sad ://. Everybody here on tumblr cares < 3’

You may look at me and see ” omg, She’s beautiful ” , or you can even possibly look at me ” she’s so freaking ugly ” . Go ahead and put me down, i’ve been put down most of my life by friends, family, and strangers . I’ve been so much, i’ve tried dying, but i was always help, i was always saved in the hospital. My mom made me become a ” parent ” when i was 7 . Yes, 7 because i have a brother and sister. My Only friend, which was my best friend, who was my brother. Yes, my older brother, I was so isolated, and shy because i had a low self-esteem. He died, no one had the guts to tell me what was going on till he had passed away. When i needed someone, no one was ever there . It was a total instant reality check. I’ve been taking care of my brother and sister, while my mom was out working two jobs, and while my dad was never around . I lived with my grandparents till i was 13. Thats the time i started getting molested. I can’t really speak up about anything, cause i know the consequences. I’ve learn to grow up at a young age. I started drinking and smoking when i was 14. I did xtc by the time i was about to turn 15 . I started partying at 15. Once i was drugged by my alcohol, and raped. I didn’t know where i was , and i’ve been raped twice. I’ve taken pills, and i’ve cut, trying to end everything. Its hard going through all this without my brother. I know he’s watching over me, but most of the time, i wish he was always here, around, when i needed my bestfriend. When i was little i used to be bullied so much, I still am. They called me fat, a slut, a whore, etc. It isn’t right. My only bestfriend died, and i hadn’t really have had friends till the 5 grade. i would always bounce around people , trying to fit in and hang out with them because they ” felt bad ” that i was always alone. The only way i got my mind off things were sports, dance, and cheer. Till this day, i still can’t really go through stuff. There’s things i can’t even tell my closest friends or my mom about, because they won’t understand. I don’t know why i’m posting this. I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts, and stuff onto. So here you go followers. I know most of you won’t really care, and i don’t want sympathy for this . I just felt like saying it .. thanks if you read this . <3 

Oh this is so sad ://. Everybody here on tumblr cares < 3’

(Source: avecamourjanice, via celynnebites)

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